Amy Poehler calls them her bodyguards
It’s Sunday morning, and I’m driving out of town to visit friends. The podcast Good Hang is keeping me company, and this episode is giving me all the nostalgia. Amy Poehler is interviewing Alanis Morissette, who is from my hometown, Ottawa.¹
Almost an hour into the episode, they start talking about the inner critic, and I’m wishing I had my hands-free so I could bookmark this conversation knowing I would come back to it later.²
When Alanis refers to ‘protective voices’, Amy explains how she sometimes calls them her bodyguards.
But when my bodyguards show up, they mean well… but they really keep me from connection.
But they’re so great. They’re big, burly, and they are like, Don’t do that.
Don’t be lame. Don’t be a loser. Don’t say hi. Don’t say you’re afraid. Get out of here.
Just like an actual bodyguard, she describes them getting her into the car quickly away from any potential threats, so she feels thankful.
I’m like, “Thank you so much, you guys.” … And then I get in the car, and I’m like, “I’m lonely.”
I can picture her sitting in a big SUV with dark, tinted windows, slightly out of breath from hurrying into the car, feeling relief at first until the quiet descends and the feeling of isolation rises.
Understanding our own bodyguards
When Amy shared this metaphor, I knew I would want to write about it for two main reasons.
Bodyguards as Protectors
Most of us haven’t had a bodyguard, but we can picture them. Quiet, close by, always watching, and quick to jump into action when there’s a threat. It’s all about protecting their client.
It’s ideal when they get it right, but sometimes they overreact. They interfere and keep us isolated from what we want.
Ultimately, it’s about protection. Even if our inner critic is harsh, the goal is to keep us safe. As Amy says, they mean well.
Gratitude & Disappointment
On the one hand, we can be grateful to have bodyguards looking out for our safety and ushering us away from potential harm. On the other hand, staying away from any harm means closing ourselves off from what we want.
Amy’s example was about desiring connection, but avoiding harm meant being swept into a getaway car leaving her isolated.
Two things can be true: we can appreciate the bodyguard’s efforts to keep us safe while also being disappointed in the result.
There’s a trade-off. Staying safe means staying small.
Not all bodyguards are visible
You know the shows and movies where the overprotected child of a politician or royal begs to go even one day without their bodyguard? In almost all cases, the parent eventually agrees but then hires an undercover bodyguard instead. The child feels free but they are still being watched over.
Well, we have both the bodyguard we can see and the bodyguard we don’t see.
The one we see
The visible bodyguard is our inner critic, and it’s loud and clear. It’s the one warning us, “Don’t say that. Don’t be lame. Don’t be a loser.”
The one we don’t see
The hidden bodyguard is sneaky and covert. It’s the one that leaves us confused, wondering, “Why can’t I seem to change? I want this, but I keep getting in my own way.” They are below our consciousness but powerful enough to hold us back.
Visible or invisible, both types can prevent us from going after what we want and keep us playing small.
Gaining some space
If you want to stop holding yourself back, you need to create some space between you and the bodyguards.
First, identify the potential threat.
- What are they protecting you from?
- What are the risks they are trying to avoid?
- How valid is the threat assessment?
Next, you get to decide your level of risk.
- How much risk do you feel comfortable with right now?
- What small steps can you take to start?
You’re not firing your bodyguards outright. They don’t have to go away completely, but you can experiment with having them stay further back and let you take some risks.
Whether you call them bodyguards or not, your brain is powerful and trying to keep you safe. It means well, but it can be overprotective and keep you from what you want.
But you do have a say, and you can gain some space allowing you to live in an expanded world instead of a contracted one.
¹ Not only did I grow up watching Alanis on the show You Can’t Do That on Television, I also owned two of her pop albums on cassette tapes. Let’s just say when I watched Robin Sparkles on How I Met Your Mother, it really hit home for me.
² I bought a new phone the day prior and hadn’t set up Siri. I only discovered this when I paused the episode and said, “Hey, Siri” only to be met with complete silence. Instead, I repeated the word bodyguard out loud about ten times so I would remember to write it down when I stopped driving.
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